beauty is a feeling2(A spontaneous vulnerable and raw share about sex, body image, age and my experience of what real beauty is.)

I’m not 40, yet. Lets just say I’m closer to 40 than to 35 (heehee)… AND as much as I’m kidding around about my age here, the truth is, I wouldn’t change it for anything! You see, my dedication to my inner growth, my happiness, my physical and emotional health and my spiritual expansion over the past 15+ years… in other words, my maturing over the past decade(s) has actually resulted in a life that gets sweeter, more fun, more exciting, more satisfying and more enlightening every day, month and year that goes by.

Thanks to my perseverance to ever discover and experience greater expression, greater health and greater aspects of myself, every year after 30 I am finding myself more happy and more fulfilled… all of which feels to have actually worked like a magic beauty potion rather than a destined date with bodily decline!

Really, the joy in Shirly Joy has never been louder even with the cute lines starting to appear around my eyes.

With each new day and new encounter – be it with a lover, a student or an old classmate at my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend – as I explore, experiment with and experience my forever-growing light and allow it to shine through in spontaneous and exciting new ways, I am left astounded at just how wrong our understanding of beauty is.

Beauty is not skin deep because beauty is not a thing. It is an energy; a reflection of our radiant life force set free and flowing through someone who is healthy, vital, secure, in love. Beauty truly does come from within and that is what makes our skin, our bodies, our movements, our life, our face, shine.

On a seeming superficial level, I’ll share that today, thanks to my commitment to living authentically from my heart rather than pre-established social norms and constantly striving for greater freedom, joy and love within me, I am in love with myself, even with the extra few pounds of weight I put on this winter. Yes, even though my pants, I’ll admit, don’t fit right now, I actually am experiencing myself more sexy, more sensual and enjoying me and my body more than ever before. And the response I am getting from the men around me confirm it!

And I won’t lie (as I’m not here to paint some social media illusion of false perfection)… I’ll admit it; in the past, being naked in front of a man with this slight increase of weight would have been a huge source of anxiety and insecurity for me causing me to shy away in his presence and not unleash my self, my joy and my total expression to him in the generous way my heart and body actually wanted to. And we both would have lost. In fact we did, as this is not a hypothetical situation I’m posing here. I did this in the past, more times than I care to admit.

In times when I wanted to release the tigress in me, the silly sexy smart outrageous woman I am, be it around friends in platonic social atmospheres or with a partner behind closed doors, I sometimes closed down from fear… fear of being too much, fear of being wrong, fear of not being good enough, fear fear fear. You see, just as all the billboards told me, my younger eyes were convinced that beauty was skin deep. Little did I realize then that my beauty was actually a fountain of love, creativity and light radiating from deep within and those around me where yearning to see it and have me share it loud!

Bummer indeed but no time to dwell and regret on the past… now thats a life doubly wasted. A good lesson is as good as a good time, and I’m always one to take a good lesson and the path of greater joy on… and so, I learned. I said woops. I forgave myself (and my society). I dusted myself off and chose a new road, a new self-concept, a new experience of me and my life. Yes, it really can be that easy.

Today, I can’t tell you what a dream, what a gift, and what pleasure it is to feel so good, so alive and so gorgeous exactly as I am. This is what happens when I see through real eyes the beauty in me and all around me. And boy does it make for amazing love making… present, connected, open, fierce yet soft, flowing, or in other words, simply, wow. Of course, it helps having a partner that is that healthy, that conscious, that willing, giving and present with me too… AND to me, it is also a deep testament to the self love, real vision and appreciation I’ve grown to have… a self love experience that to use his words “I’m more open to him than any woman he’s ever been with”…. more, well, I’ll keep the other details between me and him. What I will share with you is this…

What transpires when a woman feels totally in love with herself is a radiance shining through her every pore and every action, whether she’s love making, house making or money making…
What transpires when a woman feels appreciation for herself in all her glory are men who show up and appreciate her in all her glory…
What transpires when a woman has let go of stories of not enough-ness, not measuring-up-ness, not worthy and all that other mess and instead remembers, recognizes and relishes in just how magnificent, loving, brilliant and delicious she is, is that she becomes a lighthouse, a beacon and example for other men and women on how to live from such an honorable, inspired, connected and flowing way…

What also transpired for me is a depths of gratification in feeling so good about myself when society and billboards told me I should feel bad…
What also transpired for me is a depths of gratification in knowing I am actively playing a role in helping resurrect a truly awake, inspired feminine and masculine where we both show up in such individual emotional prosperity that we do not need anything from one another rather just come together to relish in each other, shine our own beauty and share, expand, love and play…
What also transpired for me is a depths of gratification in feeling that every day of my 37th year is proving to be oh so delicious as I allow myself to feel more content, more in love and more me from within… as I allow my real beauty to shine.

Now I won’t lie, all of this is a work in progress, forever getting fine tuned and polished and I too have my off days here and there… but they are farther and fewer than ever before and instead I am finding myself more alive and beautiful whether or not there’s a wrinkle or two starting to show on my face. Because that is the truth my age and dedication to love have shown me; that beauty isn’t a surface, nor a perfect symmetrical face or slender body…

Beauty is a feeling and once you have that feeling, well, you radiate, you glow, you have more orgasms than you’ll ever know (hey, its true!)… but mostly, you’ll feel what true love and beauty really is. I wouldn’t change this wisdom, experience, feeling and deep contentment for any backwards movement in time in the world.


  • Livia

    Reply Reply May 18, 2014

    Wow! What an inspiration!! Divine truth through your words sister! Thank you! ❤️

    • admin

      Reply Reply May 21, 2014

      Thank you beautiful woman!!!

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