“HAVE I GONE MAD?” is what the mad hatter asked Alice before she gave him this reply…
And that’s often how my clients feel…
…Radically different than the crowds, their spirit’s voice yearning to be heard through the thick busy-ness of their conformed lives and an unsettling itch to experience a shift, an awakening, a rebirth of any kind so they can finally let go and be the total, real, powerful creative self they know they came here to be!
And yes, also, at times, wondering…
Who is actually mad here?
Them or me?
And they come to me because I get it. Been there, done that.
This too is how I felt growing up. (And for a huge percentage of my life…)
Totally and radically, different.
Sometimes bonkers.
Sometimes mad, but mostly from feeling so unusual, unique, not of this herd, no way, no how.
And different I was.
All I wanted every moment of every day was to share my huge, tremendous, inspiring we-can-do-anything, lets-go light totally and unabashedly, and well, most of “them” and sometimes the majority of “them”, just didn’t understand.
And after encountering wall after maddening wall of cold stares and confusion, you can imagine what happened next; I caved in. I learned to conform and I shut down my uniqueness and began to withhold my greatest life-source and power – my unique essence and light.
But to conform and not live as you (and only you) is the most maddening thing you can do.
This is what suppresses you, the powerful electric, radically-creative life force that wants to come through you as you.
Yes, in the end I found, there was no quicker way to become insane than to try to be sane.
Because, as I always intuitively knew, that total difference I experienced growing up was my beauty, my brilliance, my gift… but in a world that didn’t get me, and even at times, utterly shunned me, I eventually came to question my very brilliance and gave up the fight. (Or so I thought… Thank Goddess for that!)
Ugh.
And this is the part of the story where I tried to be normal, to fit in. I partied with the cool kids and did all kinds of outrageous shenanigans and mischief. I eventually made my way to the greatest city in the world and was building a flashy life in the art world with a rockstar partner in a rock and roll world. I worked for the perfect body, a perfect life and, well, as so many know me for… a perfect smile.
But conformity and living a life dictated by the outside never satisfies and so it wasn’t enough. I left and tried to see if I would find my perfect husband, work and picket fence life in the west side of our great country in that other great city of the U.S…
But again, I wasn’t truly yet living for me, as me, and this only resulted in feeling more alone. You see, that is what loneliness really is, the abandonment of ourselves, and thus no matter how many people I was surrounded with (and trust me, the extroverted part of this introvert is a huge social butterfly and I was surrounded by hundreds)… no matter how many friends and lovers I gained, I felt deeply and completely alone.
But if we never abandon ourselves, we’ll never be alone as we’ll be experiencing the most fulfilling love of all; the love within, with and from our Self.
Sweeping my true self and dreams under the carpet and living what others thought was my ideal existence was a one way ticket to madness; sheer, stripped-from-my-truth, hanging-on-the-words-of-others-for-my-being, whiplashed-by-the-endless-contradicting-waves-of-fads-and-fashions to show me my next steps, endless, exhausting parade of conformity, pleasing and crowd-following (even when the crowds I was in felt like the uber-cool kids, holier-than-though-high-consciousness and rulers of those actually conventional fads) utter madness!
Yes, it takes that many confusing words to express just how maddening and crazy-making living from the outside in is!
Until my spirit could no more.
My soul wasn’t here to conform and edit away my truth (none of ours souls are).
My soul wasn’t here to be indifferent and try to live up to someone’s truth, someone’s way. I’m not saying their way is the wrong way; it just simply wasn’t my way. I was the only one and continue to be the only one that can ever truly and fully know who I am, what is best for me and what I’m here to do. And so my way eventually became (and continues to become more and more each day) my only way! (Oh, and thank Goddess for that too!)
And oh, the more me I become, the more of me I come to love and learn about, the more of myself and the tremendous I that I Am, that I let through, the more love I feel, the more satisfying and rich my life, the more alive I am!
And so with the this 4th of July holiday finally before us, I felt inspired to write about one of the greatest freedoms of all… this freedom to be ourselves.
My women come to me because they have a deep itch inside to live more boldly, feel more satisfaction, and experience what it truly means to be alive…
And take it from me as someone who traveled the exotic, amazing world of ours and back seeking seeking seeking that itch-satisfying fulfillment that just had to be “out there”…
There are few actions more powerful in relieving that dissatisfied restlessness and relentless desire for fulfillment and love than to come to know yourself, to come back deeply in your body after all the striving and rushing around and be free to be yourself as no one else. It is then that you come back inside to become fully alive and THAT is what creates life, makes for a good life, is life.
And yes, I won’t lie, the road to getting to know yourself and allow yourself through is sometimes bumpy and often clumsy, but trust me, it is always delicious, exciting, delectably surprising and utterly, deeply, eternally satisfying.
This road is where you CHOOSE to realize (yes, it’s a choice) what a powerful creative goddess you are, finally willing to have such faith in your creative juice and gifts that you’re willing to not only show up at the blank canvas of life, but rather than run away at the first sometimes-scary facing of this vast open blank space of unlimited potential, you stay, play and allow yourself to be surprised at the ideas, creations and visions that comes through YOU!
Sometimes you’ll be and express you softly, slowly, with great caution and care as the old fears and trepidations still habitually pull on you.
Sometimes you’ll be you and express you in a wild hurry, like a untamable fertile rabbit, feeling as if you can’t get your magnificent creations through you and out of you fast enough!
Sometimes you’ll flop and learn to laugh at yourself and give up always trying to be EXTRAORDINARY or win over every person (phewwww, yes, another thank Goddess for that!).
And often times you’ll amaze yourself just what came out of you… the astonishing project, magnificent art piece, beautiful child, writing or creation that came through you as you.
And you’ll breath a huge sigh of relief and know what it means to be truly you.
And all because you chose to stay, get to know you, be you and see how the real you, in all your magnificence and power, wants to come unabashedly through.
Or at least that’s what happened to me and the many women I work with… And it’s oh so what I want for you because your gift, your unique spirit and the vibration of you when you allow your unique brilliance through is so high, so beautiful, so powerful it IS WHAT WILL TRANSFORM OUR WOUNDED WORLD.
So if you won’t do it for yourself or your own sanity, do it for our Earth’s.
Please, we need you and your utterly delicious, wild, untamed, unique brilliance and light.
And as always, this is what I’m here for… to show you, remind you and help guide you back to your empowered, creative, living with passion and on purpose you! If you’re finally ready to heed that nudge inside, apply here for my 1-on-1 mentoring programs that will help you finally break on through!
The light in me sees the light in you!
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