Hello again beautiful soul…
I feel really drawn to share with you today a very personal tale of how my innocence was taken from me (and what this has to do with leadership and confidently sharing our gifts with our world).
I remember like it was yesterday… I was six years old and my older sister and I had spent all evening enthusiastically creating our very own song and dance production for my parents. The show was to end with a very special pirouette we were most excited about; we (very innocently) were to turn our backs to them and lift our skirts to reveal the grand surprise of our bare butts! Young and pure, never did we think this as inappropriate in any way, rather a very fun way to end with a joyous, silly bang!
As the moment drew near, I remember barely being able to contain my laughter and choreography as I thought of the huge smiles that would surely emerge on their faces once we twirled into that final revealing stance. And as you can imagine, my naive excitement was quickly ripped to shreds when I saw their smiles be taken over by utter shock and dismay. My appalled father immediately yelled at us to run to our bedrooms and put underwear on. As we darted out in sheer panic, his voice echoed through the hallway along side of us, penetrating us with ridicule and shame, demanding we never do that again!
This was my first touch with shame and embarrassment, the end of my innocence and the beginning of the suppression of my wild, free expression… my most open, natural, confident self.
Not randomly, this was also the year my polite, structured, pleasing (and insecure) nature began to emerge.
Of course, it was not all due to this one event, but this was certainly a key, exemplary player. More painful and shame-filled situations occurred in the years that followed, some as small, others of much bigger proportion, and in my youthful vulnerability, I continued to learn and devise ways to more effectively withhold my now-seen-as-unsafe wild, bold, true expression.
In my young mind, events such as this taught me to not trust my feelings and ideas and I learned to suppress them as the only way to protect myself from any such pain and rejection. And from then on, often any full-on enthusiasm, joy or spontaneous ideas or feeling I felt (even if they were loving), were often replaced with subdued polite smiles, agreeable gestures and a sweet (but guarded) face.
What’s worse, the more I did this, the more I forgot my true voice, power, passions and creative delights… The joyous, ecstatic, loving spirit inside me.
Ugh.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH LEADERSHIP AND SHARING OUR GIFTS?
Fast forward many years later, and almost 2 decades into being a spiritual counselor and empowerment coach, I see this simple scenario play out in all of us (that’s right, I say ALL as I have yet to meet a soul who has gone unscathed through childhood and not developed such protective tendencies… They are so subtle, most just don’t realize their unique version of this).
Yes, that is what is really treacherous about these “sub-personalities” born out of our need for survival. They are covert, subtle and often go unrecognized for life while they do EVERYTHING they can to keep us “safe”, ultimately covering up our true nature, detaining us from mature relationships and from expressing our greatest gifts.
This part will go as far as creating constant self-generated doubt and criticism that ensures we play small, isolating ourselves socially, avoiding true intimacy and even adopting unpleasing characteristics or appearances…. all in an effort to protect us from the criticism that may occur if we release and express our potential, truth and absolute magnificence.
Ouch.
Now you understand why it is so important for me to share this story with all you beautiful aspiring transformational visionaries, evolutionaries and entrepreneurs…
…Why I want you to be aware of these parts because it is these very tactics that may be keeping you in hiding and from doing the great work you feel you’re here to do.
If you have been playing small in any way, if you have been withholding your gifts, talents and vision back from our world that needs them so, it just may be because you have a loyal inner soldier doing all kind of covert actions in the name of your “safety” to make sure you aren’t seen nor potentially get hurt once again.
Uncovering this part of you and discovering the many subtle and not so subtle ways she plays out in your life is key both in getting yourself out in the world with your vital work as well as in you getting you to experience the joy and freedom of being fully expressed, comfortable being you and authentically showing up in the world.
I urge you to take a look…
Anywhere you feel not good enough, have perfectionistic tendencies, are constantly comparing yourself or holding yourself back… this loyal inner soldier may be lurking not far behind.
The good news is she can be loved, thanked and welcomed and we can finally set her gently aside to allow our true beauty, voice and brilliance to shine once again through. It is certainly not an overnight process but it is one of the most gratifying, beautiful and liberating transformations I’ve had both the blessing to experience within and to facilitate in many courageous, no-longer-willing-to-hide souls who choose to gift this level of honesty to themselves with.
You can do it too… Unabashed freedom, joyful expression and empowered service await!
Honoring you and your perfect path,
Ps. If you feel moved by this story and find others will be helped by reading it, please feel free to forward it along…
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