RUTS (or the Shadows Lurking Behind Them)

Hi ladies!

Since last week we spoke of distractions and the hidden self-sabotage sometimes found to cause them, I thought I’d continue the topic this week from a different angle:

Today’s feminine empowerment topic: RUTS (or the Shadows Lurking Behind Them).

Ah, ruts; those moments of paralysis when we lose out on that irreplaceable of all resources – life.

Yes, in my work with women who are proactively choosing to embrace their power and create a joyful life of impact, ruts are a topic we often talk about. And the first thing I tell them is this:

To be an empowered woman doesn’t mean you don’t have ruts!

We ALL have them! There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not alone.

What differentiates the women from the girls then is whether we move through ruts aware and empowered, or not.

An empowered woman has ruts AND has the internal tools that help you:

1. Move through ruts swiftly when they arise (vs. getting caught up in them for days, months or years… yikes!),

2. Reap the gems of growth ruts offer so you don’t have to continuously replay them and can finally express the powerful, beautiful woman you really are.

This is the Empowered Woman’s way and as you keep reading my blogs, you’ll amass many more tools for working in an empowered way through ruts (and all the many other hiccups that we experience in life).

This week, lets go straight to the heart of the rut, the shadow lurking behind, as this will be one of the most powerful understandings that will help keep you powerfully on your path of joy, purpose and impact in life…

…all inspired by a situation that could have very easily sent me off into a big stinkin, paralyzing rut.

THE SHADOW IN ALL

A couple weeks ago, I got some potentially devastating news about someone very close to me. The shadow of this individual came to surface and it was heartbreaking. It wasn’t so heartbreaking that they had a shadow, because you see, we ALL HAVE SHADOWS. Its a fact of life and don’t set yourself up for guaranteed relationship and community disappointment expecting those around you to be all perfect, all light.

The reason I bring this up is because shadows are the key driving element in ruts (or the unethical behavior this person showed). They are born out of difficult, confusing experiences in childhood that generated limiting beliefs we naively bought into with our young, irrational mind. The thing with shadows is that they lurk in the background, so familiar to us and yet so hidden at the same time, and we’re not aware of them at all.

Why are shadows important to discover? Because as “in control” of our choices we believe we are, 90% of our behavior is dictated by this background material in our minds. In becoming aware of our shadows, we take back our power and are able to make our highest choices for ourselves and in relationship… then can our life and relationships become truly fulfilling, fluid, less frustrating as a result!

IF YOU DON’T OWN YOUR SHADOW, SHE’LL OWN YOU

So when is our shadow the one in control? Our shadow may be lurking when the career we thought we chose on our own feels endlessly unfulfilling, perhaps a hint it was chosen by the dutiful daughter within who wanted to please her dad all along. (Can you see how recognizing her might be the crucial first step in you claiming what YOU want to do?!)

Our shadow is the culprit when we are quick to criticize others, be it our always-late-to-our-dates boyfriend or the senator in the latest sex scandal, not realizing there is a someone who also lacks integrity on some level within us too and its easier to point the dreaded disapproving finger outside, than own this shameful part in me. (Can you see how recognizing her may help you feel greater compassion for your boyfriend and others and allow for loving relating that will yield solutions and deepenings rather than sever bonds?)

And our shadow is definitely lurking when we apply for jobs, date people, and in general choose a life less than our highest choice because deep inside we doubt we can have more. (And by now I’m sure you can see, being honest with your self and lovingly getting to know these parts allows you to chose your highest choice more freely to finally choose your dream life!)

I get why you’ve denied and suppressed your shadow because I know, it hurts to own these parts that totally go against the pretty, ideal vision of ourselves we hold so dearly. Ironically it is just in resisting this “ugly” part’s existence that prevents the greater, more empowered part of you to emerge.

If you don’t own your shadow she’ll own you… and all your self-improvement work will be superficial and likely anything but rewarding.

An empowered woman knows this and isn’t afraid to dive in the depths of herself and look.

An empowered woman doesn’t fear owning the hurt, ick and pain inside because she knows this is not all of her, rather simply the aspect of human life that will actually prove to be her gateway to live consciously, joyfully, successfully.

Why all this shadow talk from someone who’s work is all about positivity, possibilities, and JOY!?

If you don’t shed light to the shadows, these shadows will run you. If you don’t own the parts you deem most icky and learn what false negative conclusions you bought into about yourself and life so you can transform them into beliefs you consciously choose, they will sabotage your relationships, health and accomplishments, in every way.

But when you lovingly dive into your depths, honor & learn from the lowest parts in you,
that’s when you’ll release your light, the greatest part of you.

LISTEN TO HER VOICE AND YOU’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO

Your shadow is that voice that says “I’m not good enough.” “Nobody loves me.”, “I can’t.”

Your shadow is the voice that stops you by stating “Not now.” “Who are you to do this?!” “You are so impractical.” “No one is going to care.”

Its the voice that will make you stay home till “you’re ready”, believe he doesn’t love you (when he does), do crazy things for attention or simply look the other way (from your most amazing life). If you aren’t careful and buy into the shadow voice, you may end up in a life long rut, living a mediocre life in a mediocre job in mediocre surroundings with mediocre love.

This is what happened to my friend who bought into the voice of the shadow that said “You are not lovable.” leading this individual to attempt to find love in distorted, hurtful ways and now forever altering the course of their life.

On a personal level, the news of this individual’s pain shook me so deeply that I immediately fell into a certifiable rut… For a day, I stopped all actions, all my forward momentum immediately came to a screeching halt, and simply, I felt paralyzed, slapped in the face, bad.

In other words, this situation triggered my own shadows to rise up!

It triggered the doubtful little girl in me who felt insecure and questioned her ability to trust the people around me, men, and even life life.

And as soon as she reared her head, she set off a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions that did knock me out for a day, and if I wasn’t conscious about this dynamic, it could have lasted longer and seeped to many areas of my life. Her voice is that powerful and before long I was extremely fatigued, felling full of anger and sadness and as if I just wanted to throw the proverbial towel in!

Fortunately, I knew better and as soon after I felt I had grieved enough (this is important too), I vehemently said enough is enough, picked myself up and got to work with these shadows of mine that got brought to light. Yup, becoming familiar with your shadow’s voice is a huge first stop, otherwise you’ll easily fall into an unproductive cycle of negativity till you are neck deep in a hole of shadow induced insecurity, anger, doubt…. And quite likely, in a self-induced rut.

But if you’re aware, this where the (transformation) party begins.

Now, conscious of the unconscious, you can do with it what an empowered woman does:

1. YOU LOVE YOUR SHADOW, discover what childhood event led to her formation and realize the conclusions she made about her self and her life.
2. Armed with this awareness, you CALL FORTH THE AMAZING WOMAN WITHIN YOU, sit up straight and LOUDLY proclaim, “thanks but no more!” to finally let these life-diminishing stories go!
3. You consciously CLAIM NEW EMPOWERING, LIFE-ENHANCING THOUGHTS led by your heart and stay committed to them no matter what life throws your way.

And this is just what I did. For an instant, my shadow came roaring up wanting to take over me and run my life again… wanting me to believe “Men are bad.” “I can’t trust those around me.” “life is not safe.” But fortunately, at this point in my life, I am quick enough to identify her knowing she is my ticket to discover hidden sources of holdback… knowing she is my ticket to declare what I choose to believe about ANY thing and finally experience the life my heart tells me I’m here to have.

THANKS TO HER AND THIS SEEMINGLY DEVASTATING NEWS, I HAVE BEEN FREED OF YET ANOTHER LAYER OF LIMITING STORIES & BELIEFS, I HAVE BEEN FREED TO LIVE MORE IN THE LOVING WITH ME, WITH MEN, WITH ALL OF LIFE! Thank Goddess, thank this individual, and thanks, yes, to my determined Self.

And so dear women choosing your power, I leave you with this food for thought…

The pace at which you move through adversity and negativity is an express reflection of the shadow work you’ve done.

THIS IS THE EMPOWERED WOMAN’S JOURNEY. AND WHAT AN EMPOWERING, DELICIOUS JOURNEY IT IS!

If you READY TO LIVE EMPOWERED, JOYOUS AND CLEAR ABOUT WHO YOU ARE & WHAT YOU’RE HERE TO BE, I just opened 5 spots for my deeply transformational 1-on-1 Empowered Woman Coaching & Mentoring Programs! Contact me now as these spots are sure to fill fast!